A Red-Light Xmas Poem

Happy season folks, it’s Seven here, and this isn’t a ‘frowback.’ Instead it’s a smidge of Christmas cheer from yours truly to all those wistful whoremongers out there who’ll be in a red light district this year instead of some relative’s house with all those in-laws, second cousins, and their most recent yet soon to be booted boyfriends and girlfriends. Enjoy!

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Patpong

The warm air was punctured with laughter and song.

The dancers were crowded on various stages

Ogled by tourists all spending their wages.

I in my cargo shorts, flip-flops and shirt,

Hurried to gogo land, hoping to flirt,

When out of the night there arose such a sound

I followed it, wondering what would be found.

I sought out the drums and the pulsating bass,

And at Black Pagoda said “This is the place.”

Pagoda was fun but I didn’t stay long,

For I felt the pull of one more siren’s song.

It came from King’s Castle, and so I made haste

To Patpong Soi 1, with no time to waste.

Inside was a beautiful sight to behold:

One hundred hot dancers, all 20 years old,

I knew some of them on a first-name basis,

And so I called out to each one of their faces:

Hey Natchaya, Nuchaya, Baifern and Boon,

Hey Praew, hey Fon, hey Fai, hey Moon,

Hey Kanokwan, Benyapa, Mint and Tangmoo,

I want to barfine you and all your friends, too.

But now I must be on my own merry way.

I’ve seven more gogos to visit today.

In Kiss I grabbed boobies and crotches and asses.

The dancers said “Mai!” They’re shy little lasses,

But also they giggled and some of them blushed.

I carried on groping while haggard and flushed.

Then on to Pink Panther for vodka and soda.

I mind-tricked those girls like Kenobi or Yoda.

And after more boob squeezes and several kisses

I tried to get numbers with some hits and misses.

And then on to Glamour, Thigh Bar, and Bing,

The Strip, and Superstar, number 2 King’s,

And finished the night in Shenanigans, Paddy,

Finally Steakhouse, the prime rib Mac Daddy.

A bottle of wine and a Cuban cigar

Were two of the best Christmas presents by far.

And as I went stumbling, back to my home,

I yelled “Merry Christmas!” to all of Silom.