April 5, 2019 By bangkok7
Happy Friday, reader. It’s time for another Frowback, and this one—originally published on Sweet3Mango last year—is yet another of my attempts to justify the theory that a man can effectively solve a number of life’s problems simply by moving to Thailand. Today’s topic is likely at the top of many guys’ lists. Let’s get to it:
“This is the 4th installment of a series called “Thai Therapy” with the central thesis being that Thailand can serve as the cure for certain Western ills. Today’s offering explores the idea that you can cure your broken heart—or at least your loneliness—by relocating to the Land of Smiles.
When I abandoned the United States, it was in the horrid wake of a series of titanically disastrous relationships. I spent most of my young life alone, interspersed with a handful of relationships with emotionally and mentally immature people who, combined with my own immaturity, made for brief and damaging experiences that left me scarred, both inside and out. I then bounced around the globe for a bit, still trapped within my own myopic concepts of what a relationship is and how a man and woman should coexist. I subscribed for the most part to that movie/TV/storybook cliché of what “love” and “romance” were meant to be, which once I grew up, I realized are a lie and a farce. And today, if you live in the West you are inevitably and inexorably and nearly exclusively surrounded by lovefools who still believe that lie. Combine that with the current acidic cancer that is feminism and your chances of finding a compatible partner in your home country are somewhere around zero. Every straight male I know in the US, without exception, has either settled for someone he doesn’t like very much, or is alone with no hope of finding anyone.
If that sounds familiar, and if you’re wallowing in despair, and your plan is to either numb yourself with chemicals, distract yourself with video games and porn, or jump off a tall building, then I have great news. There’s hope. All you have to do is move to Thailand. Now, before you call it nonsense and click away in a cloud of pessimism, hear me out.
I’m not going to blow smoke up your ass. This isn’t a pitch or an endorsement. It’s not all good news. I’m going to present my case as honestly as I can, which means there’s a downside to consider as well. But first, the good news:
Thailand is a patriarchal society, which means that in cultural and social constructs, it is male-dominated. There’s no such thing as “toxic masculinity” in Thailand. There isn’t really such thing as feminism, either. Instead, there’s a hierarchy of status based on name, class, and age. I show heightened respect to women who are older than me, and deference to women who are the same age but in a higher class than me. Unlike in the West, no one assumes I am evil simply because I’m male. Rather, there are a slew of positive things attributed to me simply for being male. And as long as I don’t do anything to damage that image, those attributes will remain…….attributed. Thai women seem to generally accept and enjoy traditional gender roles in a relationship. They want to be caretakers, nurturers, and mothers. They want their men to command authority, and to provide and protect. And unlike where I grew up (Los Angeles), women don’t base a man’s worth on what kind of car he drives or how much money he makes, or even his looks. Their main concerns are: Can he provide and is he kind? That’s pretty much it. If you can put food on the table and you’re not abusive, you’re a good man, regardless of how aesthetically disgusting you might be.
Now for the bad news: even with all these aspects in your favor, if you’re a complete numbskull you could still potentially screw it up. I’ve seen countless emotionally immature men, stupid men, selfish men try their luck at relationships in Thailand and guess what? They failed. Purely through their own incompetence. So coming here doesn’t automatically guarantee you’ll find love. I’m surrounded by stupid farang who are trapped in dysfunctional relationships with Thai wives and girlfriends that are mirror images of Western dysfunctional relationships. It’s entirely possible to come all the way here and simply repeat the same mistakes you made back home. So it’s not enough just to move here. You also have to be able to fulfill your role in the relationship. If you can do that, you can find someone to love and to love you here, and live the happily-ever-after you couldn’t find back home. But if you bring your shitty emotional baggage with you, you’re just going to unpack the same played-out problems you’ve always had.
Now, if you’re reading this and cursing because you already know you’re an emotional disaster zone, and you realize that you wouldn’t escape your own pathetic neuroses if you came to Thailand, and would just end up destroying any relationship you attempted here, just like every other time in your comically sad life, don’t worry—there’s still good news. Namely that you can live quite well and happily here sans a traditional relationship. I’m a prime example.
By the time I was 35, I’d made so many mistakes in relationships and ruined so much of my psyche as well as others’ that my heart was essentially scorched and salted earth. Nothing new would ever grow there. A wife, kids, picket fence, etc. were not in my future and never would be. But that hasn’t stopped me from finding total contentment in Thailand, which is why I added “loneliness” to the title of this diatribe. I won’t avoid heartbreak because I have no heart to break. All my Thai girlfriends know this about me. I’ve repeatedly told them “Mai mi huajai” which literally translates “I have no heart,” and they don’t mind. In spite of my emotional handicap, I have collected for myself a small harem of friends-with-benefits who accept that there’s no permanence or monogamy in our future, and they’re OK with it. So I’m never lonely or lonesome. I’ve got a team of women who take turns keeping me company. Some of them have boyfriends and just want a little variety. Others are heart-scorched like me, and prefer the same lifestyle. A few became discontented and moved on in search of a real boyfriend/husband/archetype, and that’s fine. Someone else will inevitably come along to replace them.
And that’s the long and short of it. In a nutshell, if you’re not a psycho—if you can and do fulfill the male-ordered role in a relationship—you can find someone here in Thailand to love you, or if not, to at least keep you company. The one caveat is, just like every other topic in this series, you are the determining factor. The women here will be happy to give you a chance. Just don’t fuck it up.”
Tune in Sunday for the weekly, and in the meantime, cheers to all the dudes who treat their Thai partners with kindness and patience—even when it’s difficult. And cheers to another week above ground in this paradise on Earth called Thailand.