Take This Blog and Shove It, Part 4

Hey folks, it’s Seven again. Back with another smackdown of a horrid cunt’s “I hate Thailand” blog.

I honestly don’t understand why these people live here. There are so many other places they could go. But they don’t. They stay. Which means there must be something they like about Thailand, despite the brazen shit they take on it via the internet. And occasionally these shitheads do have a valid point. But when they don’t—when they spew nonsensical excrement (nonsexcrement for short, copyright BKK7), Seven is there to shred it to bits. This one’s from the husband of the twat who wrote the piece I covered last week. Don’t worry—he’s just as ignorant and just as bad at writing as she is. They’re a match made in Stupidville. Let’s get into it:

“10 Worst Things About Thailand

Thailand attracts foreigners with its offers of exotic food, tropical climate, and beautiful women. Anyone who’s actually lived in the country for more than a few years has probably come to realize that the Land of Smiles isn’t all flip flops and day drinking. While it’s under reported, foreigners are getting less impressed with certain aspects of Thai life.”

Uhh, who told you that? Lemme guess, YOU’RE getting less impressed with Thai life, and maybe a couple of the dipshits you work with have expressed exasperation once or twice, ergo you got it in your head that throngs of foreigners are starting to dislike Thailand. You’re wrong. For every farang moaning about Thailand there are four who love it. Expats who come here have a choice: they can either assimilate and be happy, or they can remain in the mindset of their place of origin, insist that Thailand change to accommodate their home culture, and bitch and moan like whiny cunts for the rest of their days. I wonder which one you are…

“Here are a few things to be aware of before you commit any time to the beautiful country of Thailand.”

Are you saying you’re about to spout some wisdom that literally every potential visitor should know before committing ANY time to Thailand? Wow, that’s a bold statement. I hope you’re a fucking expert, and not some stupid dickhead talking straight out of his ass…

“Street Food

Thailand is praised for its street food, and for good reason. It’s entirely possible to find delicious meals for low prices. However, you are much more likely to find gristle and food poisoning when you buy mystery meat from the side of the road.”

So what you’re saying is, some street food is good and some street food is bad. Kind of like the food in…..every other country on planet Earth. Amazing tidbit of wisdom there, Rasputin. Here’s a tip if you plan to keep blogging: your statements should be relevant, informative, original, and backed up by facts. “Some street food ain’t good” is not novel or interesting. Oh and no, you’re NOT “much more likely to find” bad street food. It’s more likely that you live in a shitty area with bad vendors. Competition among vendors is high, which means the best ones find their way to the best locations, and the quality of street food declines geographically the further out you are from the more popular areas. So maybe the problem is,  since you haven’t been here very long, you haven’t tried food in different parts of the city, and thus have no actual idea what the fuck you’re talking about. On the street where I live, out of 10 food carts, I can tell you exactly which ones are excellent and which ones will give you salmonella. Because I’m experienced, as opposed to you–a brainless fuckwit who jumps on the internet and blogs utter nonsense straight out of his descending colon. 

“Seriously, you think 7/11 sushi is bad? Try eating a bowl of tom yum soup where most of the ingredients are inedible chunks of ginger and lemongrass. Also, it has to be said, have these street food chefs ever heard of gloves? If I wanted my food to be fondled by strangers, I’d pay bar girls to do it and I’d film it for my private collection. Good street food is fine but most of it is soup kitchen level disgusting.”


News flash, douche: “I had some bad noodles” is not a worthwhile topic for a blog. It’s just an unfortunate thing that happened to you once. You don’t need to tell the whole internet about it. It was bad soup. That’s all. A good travel blogger should 1–choose smarter subjects, and 2–be well-traveled. I get the feeling you haven’t traveled much. If you’d been to anywhere except the US, you’d know that almost nobody uses gloves—especially on the street! The whole point of street food is that it’s for poor people. It’s literally for the unwashed masses. You sound like an ignorant tourist complaining that the 3rd World country you came to isn’t 1st World in its customs. No DUH, moron! (By the way, Thailand isn’t a 3rd World country but I guarantee this ignorant American believes it is.)

“Thai Price

Thai people are some of the friendliest acting people in the world. I specify “acting” because Thais also work hard to alienate foreigners whenever possible, even going so far as to charge foreigners more for virtually everything.

Thai pricing is institutionalized racism at its finest. Small and large businesses are expected to take advantage of foreigners. Even public parks, museums, and temples will advertise their dual pricing. There have even been occasions where Thai nationals have been incorrectly charged “farang price” just because their skin looks too white.”

You’re a stupid asshole.

I’ve lived here for 10 years. In that time, I’ve met some rude Thais that dislike foreigners. Usually they were overworked, underpaid employees in the tourist industry who got shat on by farang day in and day out for years and their hatred of foreigners was perfectly understandable. Overwhelmingly though, the Thais I’ve met have been wonderful, warm, welcoming, kind-hearted, helpful, generous people. Exponentially nicer than people in my home country. Maybe if you’re encountering rude Thais, the problem is YOU. Have you considered that your shitty attitude (on clear display in your blog) about Thais affects how you act around them and how they respond to you? Just a thought.

The dual price isn’t racism, you colossal dickhead. In your mediocre teaching job you’ll make more in 12 months than most Thais make in their entire lifetime. The money tourists spend on a one-week holiday could feed an entire Thai family for a year. That’s the reason for the higher price. It’s not that YOU are being charged more—it’s that Thais are being charged LESS because they literally can’t afford it otherwise. Goddam, you’re a fucking retard.

“Strip Clubs

Thailand has a pretty uninspired girly bar scene for a country that is so often referred to as a sex-pat paradise. Sure you can see cute girls in bikinis, but you can do that at a beach. Thai gentleman’s clubs lack the style, skill, and pageantry of the West.”

In the West, a stripper is often the lone entertainer onstage, and her tips are commensurate with how good her dancing is. In a Bangkok gogo bar, the dancers don’t get tips. They get drinks, so each girl is carefully scanning the room from her vantage point on the stage, in hopes of catching the eye of a customer. That’s why she’s not turning out sweet dance moves. Another reason is, she’s up there for 15-20 minutes at a time. An American stripper stays for one song and then has a 20-minute break before she has to dance again. Also, a night at a strip club in the West will set you back at least $200. A similar joint in Bangkok will cost maybe $30. So yeah, the experience is different. Not to mention that they’re not “strip clubs,” you stupid dick. They’re gogo bars. If you don’t know the difference, the idiot in this scenario is you.

Oh, and clearly you haven’t been to ACTUAL gentleman’s clubs in this town, because what you’re describing is nothing like that experience.

Also, the reason Thailand is a sexpat paradise is because dudes can actually take the girls home, unlike the strip clubs in the US, which is all tease for triple the price.

“An evening in Bangkok’s red light district is as exciting as a dinner date with a pornstar.”

Bad similes are a sign of a bad writer. Have you ever been on a date with a porn star (porn star is two words, by the way)? No. You just assume it’s something people wouldn’t enjoy. In point of fact, you have no idea what dinner with a porn star would be like. You’re just bad at imagery, and as you sat at your laptop trying with all your might to come up with a good analogy, and the best you could do was “dinner with a porn star.” That’s terrible writing.

By the way, I’ve had dinner with many porn stars, and they are for the most part lovely people. Your bigoted judgment of those who you’ve never met and couldn’t possibly know reveals the kind of lowdown scumbag you truly are.

Also by the way, just because YOU don’t like the red-light districts doesn’t mean the millions of people who visit them each year agree with you. Maybe you don’t find them exciting because you’re a douchebag. Maybe the problem is you.

“Pretty girls queue up to stand on a catwalk and pluck their bra straps to upbeat dance mixes. No one enjoys the music, and no one would know how to dance if they did.”

Lots of people enjoy the music, and lots of the girls are really good dancers. You’re making a stupid generalization based on your limited experience. It’s true that some girls can’t dance and are just there for the money. But then, why do you go to your job? Is it because you love being there? If you didn’t get paid to be there, would you even go? 

“It becomes apparent that the only reason any girl wants to talk to you is because you’re filling her quota for the night.”

Speak for yourself. If you’re uninteresting, grim, rude, arrogant, or otherwise unappealing, then you’re correct–the girls won’t be interested in you. But there are plenty of guys who have a great time and whose relationships with the girls are stellar. You’re just not one of them.

“Their lack of English means that they cannot simulate attraction without rattling off a memorized menu of services.”

Oh my GOD! They don’t speak ENGLISH? Jeez, what is this, a whole other country or something? Where do they get off not speaking my language, which is from a foreign country? 

Are you actually saying that you expect the girl with no education, who is dancing at a gogo bar whose only career choice was gogo dancing, to be fluent in your foreign language? Because that’s straight-up retarded.

Here’s a tip, asshat: learn to speak Thai. My experience in the gogo bar is the exact opposite of yours, precisely because I’m not a lazy, stupid, bigoted shitbird like you. And because I can freely communicate with the girls. Come to think of it, what business do you have writing a blog where you bitch about people who can’t understand you when you speak, and whose language you don’t know? Kind of presumptuous, if you ask me. Oh and also, really really cunty.

“Hard Beds

Thai beds will give you sleeping problems. No matter how firm you like your mattress, the cotton wrapped slabs of concrete that pass for beds in this country are an insult to sleep itself. There are no mattress toppers thick enough to cushion your ribs, no body pillows supportive enough to protect your spine, and no amateur Thai massage therapists experienced enough to sort out the long term damage to your back that you’ll experience after months of sleeping on a Thai mattress.”

Hard mattresses are a sign of cheap places. What you’re revealing to your readers is that you’re a low-income sad sack who can’t afford better accommodation. I have a great mattress with a featherbed cover. It’s absolute bliss to sleep on. If you don’t have the money for a better bed, that’s not Thailand’s fault. It’s because you’re poor.

“If you’ve only ever stayed in hotels, you might not have noticed this phenomenon. Most hotels seem to understand the importance of a soft bed, unlike landlords and condo developers. The bed problem wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t so difficult to move the things out of your condo.”

You’re complaining about a problem that only poor farang have as if it’s widespread. It’s not. Also, hard beds aren’t a “phenomenon.” Buy a dictionary.

“Customer Service

Perhaps one of the most frustrating things about Thailand is dealing with customer service. It may have something to do with communicating in a foreign language, or maybe staff just isn’t trained well enough to help customers. Either way, anyone expecting first world service is going to be sorely disappointed.”

Gasp! You mean the culture of this country, that is 8,000 miles from where you were raised, isn’t the same as where you were raised? I can’t believe it!

In every country in Asia, the attitude towards customers is the same. The adage “The customer is always right” is a distinctly Western thing. Congrats on figuring out that Asian culture is different. 

“Customer service in Thailand is the opposite of helpful. The “sabai sabai” ethos means that no one you talk to will take responsibility for the issues you face. This means it’s nearly impossible to scam restaurants out of free meals or take advantage of ambiguous return policies at supermarkets. Note to any white tablecloth restaurants reading this: I’m still waiting for the waiter to put a napkin in my girl’s lap.”

Ho-ly shitballs, you can’t be serious. How did you relocate to Asia and not research the culture here? How do you not know about the concept of saving face? How can you have the gall to scold the people in the country YOU MOVED TO, where YOU ARE THE FOREIGNER, about their customs? And stop lying—you haven’t been to a “white tablecloth” restaurant in Bangkok because you can’t afford it. We’ve established that already.

By the way, “sabai sabai” doesn’t have anything to do with service. It’s a life philosophy derived from Buddhism. You ignorant shit-for-brains.

“Thais Can’t Speak English

Drop any amateur backpacker in a major foreign city and they’ll be able to get around. The average Japanese, Swedish, or Chinese local will speak enough English to direct you to a bathroom, shopping mall, or massage parlor.”

Yes, because those are First World countries with huge economies that can afford excellent schools. Thailand is NOT one of those countries. HOW in the EVERLOVING FUCK have you not figured that out? By the way, if you can’t wrap your melon around why Thais aren’t better at English, look in a mirror. It’s because of the unqualified, unskilled shitty English teachers that get jobs here. In fact, instead of shitting all over the country that took you in and gave you a job, why not show a little gratitude? Because we both know that without Thailand, you’d be bagging groceries and contemplating suicide back in the US.

“In Thailand, if you can’t find an experienced expat, you have to resort to annoying Bangkok based Facebook groups with questions about how to find taxis and where to buy elephant pants.”

Only douche canoes use those Facebook groups. It’s reflective of a refusal to assimilate or otherwise embrace Thai culture. Congratulations, you are a douche canoe.

“Even when speaking to the information desk at a mall, you should know to dumb down your vocabulary and slow your speech so that the staff can decipher your strange pronunciation of IKEA.”

Yes, that’s because Thai is a TONAL LANGUAGE. If you use the wrong tone, they will not understand you. If you speak too quickly, they will not understand you, because the Thai language–which is thousands of years older than yours, by the way–has a basic, bare-bones structure. It’s simple and straightforward, unlike the unnecessarily verbose nature of English as exemplified in this very sentence. So no, you don’t have to “dumb down” your speech. You just need to streamline it, because Thais can’t understand extraneous bloviating.  Y’know, kind of like how YOU can’t understand what THAIS say when they speak THAI. Thai. The language of the country YOU ARE IN. Why not learn to speak their language, you fucking imperialist bigoted CUNT?

“BTS Etiquette

Thais are impolite in passive ways, and this is most obvious when you’re on the BTS during rush hour. Locals are pretty good about following posted rules regarding food and drinks, but all unwritten rules that require common sense are ignored. The worst offense happens when you are stuck in the back of a busy BTS car and need to exit. Common sense would dictate that people in the front should step out of the train to let other commuters out. The best you’ll get in Thailand is a slight shuffle to the side as you shove your way through a wall of warm bodies.”

Wrong, asshole. People DO step out. They do it all the time. I literally see it every day. Also, if you bothered to take FIVE MINUTES to learn how to say “pardon me” in Thai, you’d have no problems. Jeeeeezuz, you’re such an entitled, ignorant, arrogant ass.

“The Beer

Thailand hates good beer. The government has made unlicensed production and sale of alcohol illegal, and licenses are difficult to get. As a result, any companies profitable enough to penetrate the local market with new brews have to focus on mass appeal instead of good taste. The most exciting beer you will find for sale at a convenience store is an artificially flavored wheat ale.

The eternal debate between Chang, Leo, and Singha is a sad joke to any beer connoisseur. No one should take pride in the unregulated, watery piss beer that’s common in this country. Beer Laos is a decent Southeast Asian beer, however it’s too malty and filling to be binged on.”



Again, your sad budget is showing. The artificially flavored wheat ale is only available at 7-11. Meanwhile, craft beer is a thriving trend in Bangkok, not to mention the easy access to imports. You’re just too poor to afford them. 

I encourage you to save up your cash one month and make a trip to Wishbeer or Hair of the Dog to see what you’ve been missing. You unbelievable retard. 

By the way, if you’d done just a little bit of traveling to other countries near the equator, you’d notice a similarity between the beers. It has to do with the warm climate. Oh, and “it’s too malty and filling to be binged on” is improper English. Your sad public education didn’t provide you with the skills to be a writer. You should find a different hobby. 



“The Music

Even Thai people don’t listen to Thai music. Never mind the fact that there is a rich history of various genres that spans decades. Disregard the fact that there are tons of artists that sound like Thai versions of Santana, Willie Nelson, and Nirvana. Asking a Thai person if they listen to Thai music is like asking a Millennial if they listen to country music.”

Again, terrible simile. There are millions of Millennials that listen to country music. You use analogies that make sense to you, through the lens of your personal, pathetic, limited life experience. You should not be blogging.

And I’m not sure what your criticism is here. Are you chiding Thais for not listening to Thai music? Because they do. Are you criticizing Thais for not listening to other forms of music? Because they do. I recently went to a club in Silom that featured the music of the Manchester scene—Joy Division, The Smiths, New Order, OMD, Oasis, James. Heard of them? Or maybe the problem is that your own taste in music is dog shit and you should just shut the fuck up.

“The Women

This topic has already been covered (in his girlfriend’s shitty blog two weeks ago) but it’s worth pointing out that Thai women are some of the most jealous, irrational, heartless creatures in Southeast Asia. Ask anyone with a Thai girlfriend, they’ll tell you.”

Are you actually saying that every single guy with a Thai girlfriend will “tell me”? 100% of Thai women fit your insulting description? Fuck you, you racist piece of human garbage. Making sweeping statements about an entire race of people is despicable. You are scum.

None of my Thai girlfriends are jealous, or irrational, or heartless. They’re lovely people. They’re warm, kind, and wear their hearts on their sleeves. You are woefully ignorant about Thailand and Thais. You should shut the fuck up. By the way, don’t use a phrase like “it’s worth pointing out” unless it’s actually worth pointing out.  Also by the way, nothing you have to say is worth pointing out. It’s all dog shit.

“They’ve inspired countless balcony leaps, stollen millions of dollars in pensions, and fraudulently acquired untold numbers of green cards and visas through loveless marriages. Needless to say, if your Thai woman is the only reason you’re still in the country, you should reconsider.”

‘Stolen’ has only one ‘l’. And if you think it’s accurate and fair to say that ALL Thai women inspire balcony leaps and steal money and visas, you are a shitty excuse for a human being. Just like your god-awful wife, you’ve painted an entire race and gender of people with a single brush, based entirely on your stupid, narrow-minded, ignorant, bigoted, stupid opinion. In my lifetime I’ve known exponentially more Western women who were thieves, gold-diggers, swindlers, and devoid of any love in their hearts. For the most part, Thai women put farang women to shame. 

By the way, the number of balcony leaps isn’t “countless.” In fact, according to farang-deaths.com, in the last 100 years, there’s only been 78 suicides. No way to tell which ones were caused by a bad Thai woman, but we can certainly put your ridiculous “countless” claim to bed. I browsed the first 20, and 18 of them seemed unrelated to woman problems. See what I did there? That’s called “research.” It’s what a blogger should do before spouting off about a topic, instead if just shitting a thought out of his ass and then putting it on the internet. You hack.

There are a lot of things to hate about Thailand, but nothing in this blog belongs in that list. Here’s a tip, asswipe: if you hate it here so much, leave. Or, get out and experience more of the city, country, culture, and people. No one likes a whiny cunt, especially when everything they whine about is straight horse shit.

I look forward to ripping apart more verbal skat porn from this idiot and his partner in the future. Between now and then, keep your glass full, your balls clean, and cheers to all the dudes who live in Thailand without whining like a little cunt about it or spouting complete bullshit because they’re too stupid to post anything worth reading. Peace!