Take This Blog and Shove it Part 5

July 8, 2019 By bangkok7

Take This Blog and Shove it Part 5

Greetings net surfer. I’m Seven. I live in Bangkok, and spend most of my free time in the red light district. This is the fifth installment of a series where I focus a critical eye on a Bangkok-related blog written by someone whose knowledge on the topic makes their piece a piece of garbage. A few weeks back, I was doing some surfing of my own on the old worldwide web and stumbled across a scathing critique of Thailand written by a couple of shit-brained assholes, and I couldn’t help but respond. Unfortunately they disabled comments on their site, so I submit my response here, in hopes that one day they might read it. Below are direct quotes from their horrid diatribe, followed by my direct reaction. I’m not going to share their names, one because I don’t remember them and two because it would be mean, so here after I’ll just refer to them as The Cunts.

The Cunts:

“Whilst in Thailand we ate and drank in a variety of restaurants…no matter where we frequented the bill was seldom correct. In fact, in the three weeks we were in Thailand the bill was correct only a handful of times and, surprise surprise, it was never less than it should have been. When confronted about their ‘poor mathematical ability’ they simply said ok, changed it to the correct amount and ironically smiled with a face that said “You can’t blame us for trying”. Not once did we receive an apology.”

Me:

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! You thought you deserved an apology? That’s insane. Clearly you haven’t spent much time in Asia, because this kind of thing happens everywhere. On the entire continent. Having said that, I’ve lived in Thailand for 10 years and my bill is wrong maybe one out of 20 times. Either you’re exaggerating or you have a face that begs to be ripped off. Oh, and regarding the bill ‘never less than it should’ve been,’ that’s happened to me a lot, actually. Tell you what—I’ll go to your hometown, stay a few days, and then judge the entire country based on that limited experience. Because that’s what smart people do, right? Oh, and here’s a tip: In Asia, when people smile, it’s almost never for the reason you think. Because again, you’re not in your home country and the culture isn’t the same. In Asia, people often smile out of embarrassment. You ignorant assdouche.

The Cunts:

“On Koh Phi Phi…we went for a walk along the beach at night. I still haven’t decided how I feel about what I saw…We witnessed…a girl getting fingered, a guy getting a blow job and a young male lying trousers down on the sand furiously masturbating. Countless drug dealers, countless prostitutes, a woman so intoxicated she was talking to her flip flops whilst performing, what looked like to me, an African rain dance. Too many passed out tourists in tattoo parlours and far too many people, both men and women, publicly urinating. The whole place stunk of piss…no one looked as if they were having a good time (apart from African rain dance woman, she was loving life).”

Me:

Call me crazy but it sounds like you’re 1—blaming Thailand for the bad behavior of tourists, and 2—painting all of Thailand with the same prejudiced brush. In all the time I’ve lived here I’ve never once been to Phi Phi for the above reasons you stated. It’s a haven for drug addled hippie backpackers. But as I’m starting to realize that you’re a moron, I’m not surprised you went there. Blame your stupidity, not Thailand. PS—you did not see prostitutes on Phi Phi, you liar.

The Cunts:

“Another anecdote involved a market stall owner in Bangkok. I was interested in buying a pair of second hand…water shoes…I asked him where he got them from. He response was priceless “stole from tourist” he proclaimed then started chuckling to himself like he was sitting in the front row at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. He had no shame whatsoever and I’d go so far to say that he was proud of himself firstly from getting one over on a tourist and secondly by making some money from it. I didn’t buy them in the end.”

Me:

I don’t believe this story for one second. I’ve been to nearly every market in Bangkok, and I’ve never seen anyone selling second-hand goods. You’re a bad liar. By the way, if the dude spoke good enough English to tell you he stole the sandals, then he didn’t need to steal the sandals. In Thailand, thieves don’t speak English. That’s why they’re thieves. They don’t have the skills to get jobs. Ass.

The Cunts:

“As we set off on our way to Lebua State Tower we quickly popped into one of the many tourist information offices in Khao San Road area to inquire about the best way to get there by public transport. The woman then proceeded to tell us that she had only moved to Bangkok the previous day and knew nothing of the city, I reluctantly asked if her colleague knew, who was looking at pictures of red Ferraris on google images. She looked at me and said “Noooo, he’s only 1 day in Bangkok too”. I have no idea why this woman refused to help us but I find it hard to think the 2 employees of a tourist information office had spent less time in Bangkok combined than I had.”

Me:

I’m not surprised that the people in the tourist info office couldn’t help you. They don’t pay well, and the staff are constantly being harassed by idiot foreigners. They’re equipped to call the police if you’ve been robbed or direct you to an ATM. They don’t know how to get to places people don’t commonly go. You’re the one who jumped to the conclusion that they ‘refused to help’ rather than the more likely possibility that they were telling the truth. Also, only the stupidest of stupid tourists go to Khao San. Also also, if there are “many” tourist info places there, why not try a different one? Or are you just lying again?

The Cunts:

“We had booked a bus/boat combination ticket whilst travelling around the southern islands. We set off early and the driver stopped for some diesel around 100m down the road. Then he stopped so he could buy some flowers, then so he could talk on the phone, then to visit his family or friend on the way, to eat some food, to go for a wee, for a cigarette and then finally, about 5 minutes from our destination he walked around the minibus and checked the tyres. This was meant to be a 90 minute journey and it took us 145. He knew we had a boat to catch as it was with the same company. We obviously missed the boat and were forced to buy another ticket or spend 5 hours waiting at the pier for the next boat run by that company. I felt sorry for the woman who took all of our abuse after the driver left, although I do think she was in on the scam.”

Me:

That’s pretty common in the South, where Thais live below the poverty line yet make their living serving rich arrogant tourists. You’re correct that they’ll often try to scam dumb foreigners, and noobs are easy victims. So is it their fault for trying to get a few extra dollars? Or is it yours for being an easy mark? Maybe a bit of both?

The Cunts:

“One especially stuffy and humid evening…we decided to do an experiment with the ‘masseuses’. We walked past them hand in hand and not a single word was said to either of us. We walked around the block and then Marta walked 20m behind me. As I passed the place filled with brightly stained curtains they descended upon me. Alfred Hitchcock couldn’t have directed it better. Grabbing me, stroking me, running their hands through my hair whilst screeching “Me horn ee big boiii” “I wan u big banana” “Where u fom?” (I was a bit disappointed I didn’t hear the classic “me luv you long time”), spinning me around and pulling at my t-shirt, refusing to let me go until thankfully Marta came to my rescue. Consistent annoyance from prostitutes, taxi drivers, store owners, street food vendors, et cetera, made it really exhausting to enjoy anything.”

Me:

How stupid are you? The women obviously thought you ditched your wife and came back hoping for some dirty business. The only person caught out in your little sting operation was you—for being a retard. As far as consistent annoyance from people on the street, you can easily discourage these people by being polite. If you’d simply learned how to say “No thank you” in Thai, it would’ve solved this problem with little fuss. The street barkers are playing the numbers. If they ask a hundred people, one will say yes. So if they need to meet a quota of 5 people, they need to ask 500 people. Couples just like you go for ping pong shows, threesomes, etc. all the time. It’s not the Thai people’s fault that they target you. It’s how they make a living. Also, the majority of massage places in Bangkok do not offer ‘special massage.’ My question would be, why were you and your wife walking through the naughty part of town? Also, it sounds like you’re mad at Thailand for being humid, and that you got a cheap hotel room without air-con. No one in Thailand is to blame for the weather, or for you being retarded.

The Cunts:

“Another thing, that was to us incomprehensible, was the extremely poor level of English spoken by Thais we met. Thailand has been a popular tourist destination for a few decades now and has seen a huge boom since the arrival of cheap international flights. We obviously didn’t expect perfect fluency, M****’s native language isn’t english either, but we thought places such as hotel receptions, tourism information offices and travel agencies to have slightly more than just the very basics! Again this has been a popular tourism destination for many many years! We didn’t and still don’t expect to walk into a remote village and have a full on conversation in english. Other countries that I’ve been to in SE Asia (Cambodia or Laos) seem to have much better English.”

 

Me:

What an outright lie. I’ve been to Cambodia and Laos and their level of English is just as bad or only slightly better. Obviously you did no research about Thailand before getting on the plane. If you did, you’d know how bad their English education system is. The demand for teachers so far exceeds the supply that most schools are forced to take unqualified teachers or worse, get Thais who don’t speak English to teach English. Similar to what you’d find in China, Korea, Cambodia, Vietnam, and on and on. By the way, you came to a country where English isn’t the native language. It’s not their responsibility to learn your language. It’s your responsibility to learn theirs. And how much you wanna bet you’d have a much harder time learning Thai that the average Thai has learning English? Did you consider how difficult it is for people whose native language doesn’t use the Arabic alphabet? Did you consider how much easier it is for someone whose first language is a Romance Language to take on another Romance Language? Of course not. Because you’re retarded. And also a pompous asshole.

The Cunts:

“I think the reason why, and main underlying problem, is that Thailand sold out to tourism, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I just think that they did it far too hastily and now lacks the tourism infrastructure that’s needed to host over 30 million tourists every year.”

Me:

Far too hastily? Thailand has been a tourist magnet for nearly a century, so no, haste isn’t the problem. The country can’t offer competitive wages for qualified Western teachers. Which means the real problem is you. 70 million people live in Thailand. Thai tourism employs 6.2 million people, which means 63.8 million Thais have nothing to do with tourism, want nothing to do with foreigners, don’t speak English and don’t see the need to. Millions of tourists come here every year, and the vast majority get by with the limited language skills of the local Thais. It seems that only stuck-up, ignorant, privileged fuckwarts find a reason to moan about it.

The Cunts:

“Generally, I am of the opinion that the Thai, those of which who work in tourism, think all tourists are the same. We are all stupid, we all have far too much money and we all want a bracelet that says “I FUCK LADY BOYS” and, believe it or not, it’s not always the case. They presume we all want to drink beer and want massages with happy endings, and now because of their misguided beliefs, the country has become famous for women shooting ping pong balls out of their vaginas, excessive amounts of alcohol and drug taking, men who look like women, theft of all kinds, and now, the murders of two British Nationals on the island of Koh Tao.”

 

 

Me:

Wow, what a racist, ignorant thing to say. You just claimed that all Thais are the same and think the same things. There’s a word for that: bigotry. You had contact with—what—0.001% of those Thais that work in tourism? And from that brief experience you think you can make a judgment about all of them? That’s disgusting.

The series of sick insults you listed above betrays your intention. I’d bet not a single Thai working in tourism said anything to you about sex with ladyboys. I’d bet money that not one Thai person working in tourism told you they assume you drink excessively. In point of fact, you were here for probably a couple of weeks and from that you feel bold enough to describe all Thai people as the same and even tell them what they’re thinking, something you couldn’t possibly know, while at the same time criticizing Thais for doing the same to tourists. Imagine if you encountered a hundred foreign idiots every day who made your life a tedious drag year in and year out. Between you and your prejudice that you acquired after a matter of days and the Thais and their prejudice that they acquired over a number of years, who is the bigger bigot? By the way, do you know why Thailand is famous for ping pong shows? Because tourists come here from all over the planet to see them. Thais don’t go to ping pong shows. Regular tourists don’t go, either. If your head is filled with ladyboys and ping pong shows, you are 1—in the minority, and 2—the only one to blame for your preoccupation with them. Because for the rest of us, it never crosses our mind.

Two British Nationals were murdered in Ko Tao. How many people were murdered in your home town in that same year? I guarantee your chances of getting killed on your street are higher than your chances of getting killed in Thailand. In the last decade I’ve never once been in any danger, and 99% of the Thais I meet are warm, gracious, generous, kind, and self-sacrificing. More so and more often than anyone I’ve met in any other country, including my home country.

The Cunts:

“Thailand should try and keep as much of its rich cultural heritage as possible and start to drift away from the smut it’s currently showcasing.”

Me:

Smut? Showcasing? Where’d you travel when you were here? In Bangkok there are 3 red light districts in confined spaces. If you don’t deliberately go to those districts, you won’t see any “smut.” Sex tourism is a booming business in Thailand, but it is driven by demand. No Thai person woke up one day and said “You know what we should open? Dirty massage parlors.” These places exist precisely because of the tourists who come here. So to blame the Thais for it is pig-headed.

Here’s what I gathered from your blog: You’re guilty of all the things you accuse the Thais of doing. You prejudge. You assume everyone is like the handful of people you met. You presume to know what Thais are thinking. You presume that the whole of Thailand is a red light district. You’re angry that Thais don’t speak your native language, and that the customs here aren’t like the ones in your home country. In short, you’re a cunt. The good news is, you’re not planning to come back here. That’s awesome. Thailand is better off without shitheads like you in it. Bye!

…As you can see, there’s no shortage of stupid dickheads coming to Thailand. They infest this lovely country and are at times intolerable pieces of shit. Thankfully, these fuckwarts won’t be coming back. So there’s a silver lining to this grim blog after all. Come round again on Friday for a frowback, and in the meantime be glad you’re not a miserable cunt shit-blogging on the greatest country in the world: Thailand.