A Tale of Two Tales Part 3: Lisa and Lek

What’s up, reader? If you’ve found my blog, you must’ve voraciously consumed all the other expat drivel for Sunday and haven’t had your fill. If that’s the case, you’re in luck. This is part 3 of my series comparing a farang girl from my sordid past and a Thai girl from my debauched present. Today’s offering features my craziest ex and current best member of my harem. Let’s take a look at Lisa and Lek.

I met Lisa when she was 18 and I was in my early 20s. She was tall, thin, and lithe with soft white skin, long dark hair, big doe eyes and a big smile. I didn’t think much of her at first, but she pursued me relentlessly for several weeks. And as someone who didn’t get pursued often, I finally succumbed to her wiles. In very short order, I discovered two immutable facts about Lisa. First, she was absolute dynamite in bed, and second, she was certifiably insane. So at the same time she was the best and worst girlfriend I’d ever had. I was torn in two directions at once. On the one hand, she let me tie her to the bed and treat her like a sex slave—she was my first foray into mild bdsm. And she was a masochist. She preferred some pain with her pleasure, so whips, nipple clamps, and DP’ing with toys became routine in our bedroom. She was a screamer and a multi-orgasmer. Our sex life was like something Caligula would dream up, and for me it was a decadent Disneyland.

On the other hand, she was a mentally scarred, mentally deranged maniac. She spent her free time berating me, yelling at me, arguing, smashing my stuff, and cheating on me. My friends all abandoned me because they couldn’t tolerate having her around. My family disowned me because her toxicity radiated out to everyone within her sphere. And I’m not blaming her. She had good reason to be crazy. She lost her virginity in a gang rape. Her dad left before she was born and her mom was institutionalized. She was a teenage alcoholic, and I didn’t find out till later but she was on meth for our entire relationship. So there were catalysts for her insanity. And I was too young to know how to deal with it. I didn’t know how to intervene, or where my authority began in advising her. I remember trying a couple of times to tell her to get help, and she exploded with screaming, cursing, and violence. So I shut up.

I walked this knife’s edge between her sexual acrobatics and mental disintegration until finally she found another dude to take her poison. She actually left me. And although I missed the sex like a junky misses heroin, I also breathed a sigh of relief that her psychological abuse shifted to someone else.

I met Lek when she was 18 and I was in my early 40s. It was her first day on the pole, and I barfined her within 15 minutes of taking the stage. I have a knack for finding diamonds in the rough, and Lek definitely fit that description. She was my last barfine. I just couldn’t leave the gogo without her. That was 3 years ago. Since then she’s come to me weekly. At first, her age made her a headache. She was childish and uninitiated—in fact, I think I might’ve taken her virginity on that first night. She seemed unsuited for the life. Banging strangers took a toll on her, and she left the pole mere months after starting to stay home and care for her little sister. So I became her only regular. I told her that in exchange for tolerating her week in and week out, she’d have to agree to be my slave in the bedroom. She agreed amiably, not realizing what that would entail.

First, I taught her how to deepthroat. She took to it reluctantly, but soon developed a talent for it. Then it was time for bondage and toys. I employed all the techniques I’d learned from Lisa, only this time the training went on to a blank canvas. Lek had no baggage and none of the psychological hang-ups of a broken farang in the West. Instead, she was happy-go-lucky, plucky, teachable, willing, and naturally talented. I really put her through the ringer, so much so that I expected her to never call again. But she was undeterred, and has come over faithfully every week for over a year now. In fact, it seems the rougher I treat her, the more she endears herself to me. Maybe there’s some baggage there after all. But she’s not at all crazy, and her body is an absolute theme park of sexiness. So from the ashes of my torn-up relationship with Lisa, a genuine psycho, has sprung a sweeter, more fulfilling, better partnership with a younger, fitter, nicer girl. And what more could a man ask for, really, than to take a bad past experience and fashion it into something positive in the present? It’s par for the course for any man lucky enough to escape the wasteland of America to plant new roots in the fertile, fanciful Land of Smiles. This old whoremonger, for one, has a permanent grin.

Swing by on Friday for a frowback, and between now and then keep your balls warm, your beer cold, and cheers to another week above ground and loving life here in the greatest country on Earth—Thailand.