Making a Naked Ninja

Hey there, reader. It’s me, Bangkok Seven. Still trapped in the US, still waiting for the junta-govnt brain trust to end the flight ban. Still missing the gogo bar like crazy. But rather than dwell on the present grim state of things, I offer a brief distraction: my process for creating a Naked Ninja.

What’s that you say? You’ve never heard of a Naked Ninja? No surprise there. Anyone who follows my Facebook or Twitter has seen glimpses of them from time to time. I was supposed to have an exhibition of NN’s at the Patpong Museum in May, but of course, Coronavirus ruined those plans. Hopefully before the end of the year you’ll be able to head out to Silom one night and check out my artwork. In the meantime, below is a breakdown of how I go from seeing a girl in a gogo bar to immortalizing her on semi-translucent acrylic…

Step 1: Find the Ninja. Naked Ninjas don’t just fall from the sky. I have to seek them out. And they’re not easy to spot. Sometimes the most audacious, pole-dancing exhibitionist—the most unabashed dancer in the gogo—turns out to be shy and uncooperative once I get them home. Many a Naked Ninja doesn’t even know she is one. Very often, I have to look deep within her soul (and bra) to see the untapped, unawakened Ninja within, and bring it out of her. This usually happens instinctively. The Ninja wants to be unleashed. She is as much drawn to me as I am to her. Or if that won’t work, a large bribe usually does the trick. At any rate, I scope out the red-light district for Ninjas of every shape and size, and by that, I mean both tall and thin and also short and thin. Many of them start out as members of my harem before making the lusty leap to celluloid.

Step 2: Convince her to pose. Thai girls aren’t all cut from the same cloth. Some are free-spirited, adventurous, up-for-anything types. I might say to them, “Do you want to pose nude for a photo shoo–?” and they’re saying yes before I even start my sales pitch. Others staunchly refuse, flushed and insulted that I would ask, even as I’m ramming a finger in their bum in the gogo bar. Some will only agree if their friend comes along. Some need to be banged a couple of times first before they’re comfortable enough to be photographed. Most aren’t willing to do full topless or open beaver shots, which is fine by me since my work doesn’t skew that blue.

Step 3: Get them over and get them naked. Once they’ve agreed to come over, it’s only a matter of putting them at ease. Some don’t need it—they’re practically naked before they even get in the door—while others are more reluctant. I’m both patient and understanding, and I assure them that there’s nothing under their clothes that I haven’t seen a thousand times. If she doesn’t know me well, she might be wound tight at first, but once the lights and background are set up, and she knows it’s not a ploy to ply her pussy, she usually relaxes.

Step 4: Get to work. Taking nude photographs of women is, in point of fact, work. It’s actually somewhat difficult to get the right angle, stay in focus, keep the lighting correct, and coax the right expression from the model. By the time a session is over (it takes about an hour), I’m exhausted and soaked in sweat. And the girl is also completely tuckered out, which is why if it’s a combination bang-and-shoot, it’s imperative to bang first.

Step 5: Enter an alternate universe. Once the girl is gone and the photos are in the file, it becomes a matter of turning them into what they’re supposed to be. For an artist, this process can play out in a variety of ways. For me personally, I need to switch universes. What I mean is, a stop thinking about the rules and physics of our universe, and instead wander around in a variety of alternate universes that exist only in my head. I don’t know what I’m looking for, and I don’t intentionally set out to find something. I just splash around in a realm of possibilities that couldn’t happen in the ‘real’ world. This isn’t something I consciously knew I did until I saw the cartoon Rick & Morty for the first time. The second I saw Rick and his portal gun, I was like, “Oh right, that’s how I do it.” Except I do it in the convoluted space between my ears.

Once I come across something in that alternate reality befitting a Naked Ninja, I know instantly. Usually it’s thematic, or sometimes it matches the—I want to say “color scheme” of the girl, but that’s not quite right. It matches her persona. Or sometimes it’s a complimentary archetype. At any rate, when it’s borne out, it leaps to the forefront of my mind like a beacon. The rest of the process is just a matter of manufacturing it in this world.

Step 6: Render. For most NN’s, I use a handful of different graphics programs to bring the thing in my head into the world, though I do revert to paintbrush and canvas from time to time. Sometimes the picture will go through several different failed incarnations before I get it right. Often times I never do get it right and just stop working it, and then that piece just…is what it is. The second most satisfying feeling is when a picture turns out exactly how I envisioned it. The most satisfying feeling is when the work itself—or maybe my subconscious—takes it in a new direction and surprises me with a better result than my original idea. When that happens, the ecstasy of having been part of that creation is the most exhilarating experience I’ve ever felt, and that includes having a threesome with my farang ex-girlfriend and her bikini-model college roommate.

Step 7: Show. Thanks to the pandemic, this phase has yet to happen. I do have around half a dozen works presently hanging in the Patpong Museum, but a full exhibition has been on hold now for 2 months with no opening date in sight. I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, here are a handful of pieces that didn’t make the cut. Have a good week, everyone. And cheers to me crossing another month off the calendar without committing suicide in this hellscape known as the United States. Peace.