The Unbearable Triteness of Mongering (and Sevenisms Part 3)

What’s wrong with me? That’s the first thought that crossed my mind yesterday when, for the first time in over two years, I didn’t publish a weekly blog. Then I remembered only three people read this thing, and then I didn’t feel so bad.

And yet, the question persisted. What’s wrong with me? I successfully returned to Thailand after being trapped in America for 5 months due to Covid. I endured 2 weeks of solitary confinement in a quarantine hotel. I resumed banging my harem and discovered a taste for Irish Whiskey. I’ve Ponged nearly every night for two straight months without the annoying presence of tourists. I’m currently making arrangements for my first ever art exhibition thanks to the folks at the Patpong Museum. So why am I not content? Is this how Caesar felt when there were no more worlds to conquer? Whatever the reason, I’ve lost a good share of the enthusiasm that drove me for the last several years.

But that shouldn’t have stopped me from posting…at least something. So here is, a day late and a dollar short, something for your perusal. It’s my latest list of Sevenisms—words created by me for me, in these weekly mental meanderings. Voila.

Eclection. Noun. An eclectic collection. Eg “I’ve quite an eclection of harem girls, ranging from thin with no tits to thin with fake tits.”

Pongifacts. Noun. Patpong artifacts. Eg “The Patpong Museum and the Old Other Office are rife with Pongifacts.”

Flaravorites. Noun. Flavor favorites. Eg “H. Upmann and Partagas are my two flaravorite cigars.”

Banngkoksmpopolitan. Adjective. Cosmopolitan, but unique to life in Bangkok. Eg “Hitting the red-light district after dinner at a rooftop bar in January is very Bangkoksmopolitan.”

Pavlivation. Noun. Pavlovian salivation. Eg “The duck confit paired with Brouilly at Le Bouchon causes fierce Pavlivation.”

Flavorstate. Noun. The perfect blending of flavors of food and wine. Eg “The duck confit paired with Brouilly at Le Bouchon creates the perfect flavorstate.”

Unabass. Noun. Unabashed ass. Eg “Oo’s blatant unabass in Bada Bing gives me a half-chub.”

Bumely. Noun. Comely bum. Eg “Oo’s bumely is a hypnotic vision of loveliness.”

Pathelopoetic. Adjective. Pathetic, melodramatic, and poetic. Eg “Falling in love with a bar girl is classically pathelopoetic.”

Pathiloquy. Noun. Pathetic soliloquy. Eg “Seven’s challenge is not allowing his blogs to turn into pathiloquies.”

Stuparrogance. Noun. The state of being simultaneously stupid and arrogant. Eg “Millennials’ biggest character flaw is their stuparrogance.”

Remarkamorphosis. Noun. A remarkable metamorphosis. Eg “Patpong is in the middle of a remarkamorphosis.”

Gogigma. Noun. Gogo enigma. Eg “Hi-so Thais jumping onstage in King’s Castle 1 is quite the gogigma.”

Whinatribe. Noun. Whiny diatribe. Eg “Every blog I’ve read bagging on Thailand has been nothing but a whinatribe about the blogger’s own stuparrogance.”

Slomode. Noun. Slow-motion mode. Eg “Thais walk through malls and down streets in permanent slomode.”

Perusement. Noun. Bemusement caused by perusal. Eg “What Seven’s blogs lack in literary quality is made up for by perusement.”

Eroscapade. Noun. Erotic escapades. Eg “Seven’s eroscapades have become markedly less-exciting with old age.”

Nonsexcrement. Noun. Nonsensical excrement. Eg “The corporate media’s ‘news’ is overwhelmingly nonsexcrement.”

Gloropolis. Noun. Glorious metropolis. Eg “Bangkok may be the last true gloropolis.”

Farangteraction. Noun. Farang interaction. Eg “Seven tries to keep his farangeraction to a minimum.”

Pimposystem. Noun. An ecosystem that facilitates pimping. Eg “Patpong without tourists is an ideal pimposystem.”

Bangkauchery. Noun. Bangkok debauchery. Eg “When the ban is lifted, There will be a veritable tidal wave of tourists flooding in, gagging for some Bangkauchery.”

Apartmertainment. Noun. Apartment entertainment. Eg “Seven’s apartmertainment ranges from pirated movies to Patpong pole dancers to practicing ukulele.”

Inforndation. Noun. An inundation of information. Eg “the CDC has provided an inforndation on the topic of Covid.”

Hotster. Noun. Hottie roster. Eg “King’s Castle’s new location has quite the hoster.”

Aboozing. Verb. Abusing booze. Eg “Last Sunday’s Patpong run turned into a night of heavy aboozing.”

Thaidoration. Noun. Adoration from Thai girls. Eg “Seven’s seen a steep decline in Thaidoration relative to the size of his beer gut.”

Unpreparnderance. Noun. Unprepared for the preponderance of something. Eg “Seven was in a state of unpreparnderance at the number of broke gogo dancers in need of rent subsidies.”

Gemory. Noun. A gem of a memory. Eg “Seven’s time living on Bangtao Beach in Phuket is quite the gemory.”

Pongmonger. Noun. Patpong whoremonger. Eg “The stooges in Nana and Soi Cowboy can’t hold a candle to the average Pongmonger.”

Debauchelorhood. Noun. Debauched bachelorhood. Eg “Being a Pongmonger means living a life of debaucherlorhood.”

Enigmaphic. Noun. Enigmatic demographic. Eg “Patpong pole dancers are a true enigmaphic.”

Compreherison. Noun. Comprehensive comparison. Eg “Exploring the pro’s and con’s of all 3 Bangkok RLDs would require a real compreherison.”

Lacklaise. Noun. Lackluster malaise. Eg “I find Thai TV to be a total lacklaise, though maybe it’s because I can’t understand what they’re saying.”

Hypstalgic. Adjective. Hypnotic and nostalgic. Eg “I recently found an old video on my hard drive of the lovely Ploy dancing in Electric Blue. It was utterly hystalgic.”

Gumbling. Noun. Garbled mumbling. Eg “Last week a farang approached me on the street and gumbled something about needing money for a plane ticket home.”

Constotony. Noun. Constant monotony. Eg “I’ve fallen into the constotony of gogo bars, harem girls, and Foodpanda every night.”

Cuntflux. Noun. An influx of cunts. Eg “Once the tourist ban ends, expect a total conflux into Thailand.”

Tandemonium. Noun. In-tandem pandemonium. Eg “Mew and I create a sense of tandemonium in bed.”

Bouduinture. Noun. A boudoir adventure. Eg “Mew, my number one harem girl, is quite a bouduinture.”

Nonconbatability. Noun. Noncombative compatibility. Eg “Mew is the closest I’ll come to monogamy due to our nonconbatability.”