Seven Pigs Out Part 1

Happy almost end of the year, reader. I’m sure you’re as happy as I am to see it in the rearview mirror. And unless you’re in the US, where a doddering old Chinese communist sympathizer is about to take the Oval, 2021 is shaping up to be an improvement on what was probably the shittiest year of all of our lives.

But 2020 wasn’t all bad. I added 3 new girls to my harem, escaped lockdown in Los Angeles, and managed to put on an art exhibition. Not bad, if I do say so myself. And with the year winding down, I figured why not try to go out in style, by hitting as many holiday fancy dinners as possible in the last 10 days of December. My goal was six by New Year’s, and as of today, I’ve done five. I guess I should’ve aimed for more! Anyhoo, here’s a record of the fantastic food I feasted apon this past week:

The earliest Christmas-themed do I found was at 1919 Italian Bistro on Soi Convent. Theirs rolled out on 22 December, and I was the first one in the door. My initial impression was of the decor. It’s a homey yet elegant place. I felt like I could eat there every day and feel at home. And given how fantastic the food was, it wouldn’t be a bad idea.

I started with the lobster burrata salad with balsamic, basil, and tomato, paired with a glass of Le Cellier du Pic, Languedoc. It was, in a word, orgasmic. A touch of sea salt helped to slowly melt the burrata into cream around the lobster, which was positively bursting with flavor. Now, in retrospect, I’m grateful to the folks at 1919 for shelling the lobster for me. It made the experience much more pleasent.


Then I orderd two mains. First, I again opted for lobster, this time on a plate of mushroom risotto with winter black truffles. What can I say about the dish except that it was ridiculously delicious (ridiculicious for short, copyright BKK7) from first bite to last. I left most of the risotto on the plate, though, for a couple of reasons. I’m not saying it wasn’t good, but a mouthfull of risotto after a mouthful of lobster and truffle is anti-climactic. Also, I didn’t need the carbs.

Then came main number two–lamb shoulder with pesto, garlic cloves and pomegranite. I paired it with a heavy red from Portugal, which in retrospect was a mismatch, but I powered through anyway. The combination of the lamb, the pesto, the pomegranite, the garlic, and the wine were not so much a symphony as a quintet. Imagine a concerto with a melody of high violins and a harmony of looming, sweeping cello notes. Think Brahms’ Quintet in G Major, Op 111, Allegro non troppo. I was too full for dessert, so I skipped it and waddled home. The wait staff were very attentive and helpful. Overall, a delightful experience. All-in, the checkbin came to 3319 and that included VAT, but there was no service charge. I can’t wait to go back.

The next day I headed to Bardo Social Bistro and Bar on Sathorn Soi 10 for their truffle-inspired holiday menu. They were fully-booked, and the only open table was outside. The evening was cool-ish and breezy, so I didn’t mind. Their three course set menu was heavy on truffles, so I was excited to get started. I dove in head first with a truffle soup starter, along with a home-made truffle madeleine, paired with champagne. Truffles are a quandary. How does one describe the taste? A combination of mushroom and mild cocoa, with hints of something dark and earthy, like a sin with no wages. The soup was luscious and rich, and each sip of bubbly enhanced and emboldened the flavor.

The main was Tenderloin Rossini (filet mignon topped with foie gras), truffle potatoes and brussels sprouts with roasted pine nuts. It was utter magic. I paired it (based on the owner’s suggestion) with a lovely montepulciano. It was the food equivalent of what I imagine wedding night sex to be, with the flush and rush of love and lust, carnal and beautiful, shameful in its own fire yet rife with brazen indulgence. Yeah, that sums it up.

Next came a small cheese platter paired with a macon village that made me feel dirty, it was so good. The gourmet lotharios at Bardo aren’t just serving food. They’re cullinary pushers. Adicts never had it so good Damn them and their incomprehensibly excellent (incompcellent for short, copyright BKK7) fare. Am I going to havae to come here every week for the rest of my life? Calm down, Seven. Get a grip. You’re talking like a lovestruck schoolgirl. It’s only day two. Pace yourself.

I skipped dessert, for which they graciously substituted the glass of chapagne at the start. 1390 net for the food (obscenely cheap for what I got), plus another grand for the higher-end wine.

On Christmas Eve I had the buffet at the Westin Grande Sukhumvit Hotel–a place I’m very familiar with, as I typically have Thanksgiving Dinner here every year. I missed it this year, though, so this was a fitting substitute. The menu was almost the same. I started off with a plate of king crab legs, rock lobster tails, roquefort cheese, and champagne to start, followed by lobster bisque and an Australian chardonnay. The soup was so delightful, I had three bowls.

Then on to lamb chops and surloin paired with an Aussie Shiraz-Cab blend, spiced baked pumpkin, candied chestnuts, turkey, stuffing with cranberries, all excellent as usual. Every dish was top-notch, though the show-stealer was the lobster  bisque. It was simply perfect. I actually had some dessert–a shameful act that I hoped wouldn’t become a trend–and indulged with creme brulee, trifle, and chocolate gingerbread pudding. 2570 baht included free-flow wine.

For Christmas Day dinner, I stayed local and hit up Le Bouchon in Patpong for their holiday set menu. The starter was baked eggs with homemade foie gras and truffles, something I hadn’t tried before. It was as delicate as it was delicious. As with all French fare I’ve ever had, it wasn’t just food. It was a visceral experience, a love affair between the dish and one’s senses. The words that came to mind were rich, succulent, and divine. I followed that with lobster thermidor, which in Bouchon’s case meant a full lobster topped with cheese, butter, mushrooms, and onions. Sweet, savory, and satisfying. I again skipped dessert and finished the meal, as I often do there, with a glass of red wine, a glass of port, and a Cuban cigar. 2000 baht all-in, which is offensively inexpensive (offensinexpense for short, copyright BKK7).

On the 26th I went to Viu at the St Regis for their Boxing Day buffet. The price was very reasonable–2,300 for food, plus 1,ooo for free-flow wine and prosecco. I went absolutely bananas at this venue. I started off with a bang: lobster thermidor, grilled surloin, lamb chops, a bit of charcuterie and cheese, seared foie gras and balsamic, and scallops. Meats paired with an Aussie Shiraz, fish with a Chilean Chard. That was just round one. On my second trip I opted for lamb again, lobster risotto, and baked oysters. Both times, the lobsert was small but sumptuous. I can’t believe how hard it is to get the actual lobster meat out of that obstinate exoskeleton. All together, half a lobster yields around four bites of actual lobster. But damn if each bite isn’t scrumptious.

I again had dessert, because in a swanky joint like the St Regis, you do not skip dessert. Chestnut and Gingerbread gelato (one scoop each), gingerbread cookies, toffee cake, some creampuffy, sugary morsel, and a caremel pastry that melted in my mouth, all paired with a glass of prosecco. The whole affair was simply heavenly.

As of today–27 December–I’ve got at least two more do’s to do (New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day), but I have to say I’m already hankering for another one of these highrise hotel hi-so festivities. Check back next week to see how I did, and to get pointers on where you should be stuffing your face in BKK. Between now and then, keep your balls warm, your cocktail frosty, and cheers to this amazing city and all the delectable delights it offers.