Patpong Moves Online

It’s 2021. The world is changing. Western nations are turning communist, China is the new global superpower. Covid is currently destroying all successful capitalist societies. We are headed for a dystopian hell worse than Orwell’s harshest predictions. And to add incel to injury, Bangkok has closed its red-light districts, putting hundreds of bikini-clad hotties out of work. And yet, all is not lost.

Several of the gogos in Patpong have taken a tip from the bars on Pattaya’s Soi 6, who back in March resorted to live-streaming as a way to compensate for the dearth of customers created by the tourist ban. I know, it sounds crazy. Who would tune in to a Facebook live feed to watch bar girls prance and preen for the camera? Well, as it turns out, the answer was A SHIT TON. Not only did the customers come, they also put their paypal where they wanted their mouths to be and bought drinks for the girls in huge numbers. It turns out that bored, lonesome, locked-in and locked-down men the world over are more than willing to throw $10 into the cybersphere in exchange for a glimpse of the tantalizing world of wild Thai girls. It turns out that “being there” digitally is better than nothing at all. In fact, some of those Soi 6 bars made more money from online drinks than they did before the pandemic. It stands to reason. I mean, how many dudes can you fit into one of those bars? Maybe twenty? And how many men round the world would cough up Paypal cash to watch a girl drink a shot glass full of whipped cream with no hands, on cam? A million? It may be the only positive thing to come out of Covid. Unfortunately, Facebook shut down all those Soi 6 live feeds last month, so they were forced to move to YouTube, leaving the FB market open, at least for the moment, for a new batch.

That new batch has come in the form of Patpong gogo girls, who spent last week getting their feet (and more) wet in this new medium. The bars under the wing of the Patpong Warriors—Black Pagoda, XXX Lounge, The Strip, and BarBar—are scrambling to get their streams up, and your boy Seven was there to witness their first fledgling steps.

Because this is all new territory, the girls came out the gate cautiously. The lockdown rules are vague, and changing by the day. It’s hard to know what’s allowed and what isn’t, and pissing off the Patpong police isn’t prudent. And so, so far, the live streams have been conducted in semi-secret, quietly and behind closed doors, sometimes with shaky Wi-Fi. But there’s a steep learning curve when it comes to this Internet stuff, and the Warriors’ techies are adapting with fluidity. By this time next week, I expect the ship to be out of drydock and sailing into the future with thousands of voyeurs in tow.

So far I’ve attended five stream sessions. The first two were comprised of girls from BarBar, XXX, and The Strip. The décor was sparse—one old-fashioned sofa and a black background—a fitting setting for letting the girls shine. They looked like exotic birds in a cyber-cage, and after a few drinks, they positively sang. Gogo attire was prohibited, by official decree, so the girls donned a range of styles, from regular street clothes to party dress. In all four sessions, I witnessed the same performance progression. For the first hour or so, the gals were a bit timid, sometimes rigid, unsure of what to do or say. Thankfully their viewers helped out by commenting salutations, buying drinks, and asking questions of the girls. The drinks loosened them gradually, and by the second hour their chairs were pushed aside and they were on their feet, shaking what their mamas gave ‘em.

If this is the future of the gogo–and all signs point to it being the case–then it will need to evolve. I don’t care how much a guy trapped in his home country misses Thailand, he’s not going to plop down at his laptop to watch a handful of girls flirt via the interweb indefinitely. Sooner or later, it’s going to get stale.

Which is why, in the est example of perfect timing ever, a group of artists and tech-geniuses are putting together a completely virtual version of the classic red-light that will allow the viewer to enter a computer-simulated world nearly identical to the real thing. It’ll be like jacking into the Matrix, except without that spike in the back of your head, and with no chance of dying inside it. If all goes as planned, it won’t matter how long the lockdown lasts, or if you can’t board a plane to BKK. This part of it, anyway, will come to you. More info to follow, but the long and short of it is, it’s not all bad news for 2021.

So do not despair, exiled monger. Think of the live streams as methadone. They’ll keep you from getting the T & A DT’s, and keep you going a while longer. As soon as there’s something spicier to connect to, I’ll let you know. Cheers to another week battling the Covid craziness, and to all those unemployed gogo dancers yearning to get back into a pair of heels. They miss you as much as you miss them.

You can find live streams nightly on XXX Lounge’s Facebook page: and sporadically (with plans to stream nightly soon) on these other pages: