Patpong Time Machine: 2016

Happy mid-lockdown, web surfer. My name’s Seven, and this is my blog.

Like you, I’m trapped in a malaise–a daze of day-after-day of no fun, nowhere to go, and nothing to do thanks to the overreaction to this ‘virus’ that only 2% of the globe has contracted, and that’s killed only 2% of them. In fairness to the retards in government making fucking braindead decisions, every single other country is doing the same stupid shit.

Since we’re prohibited from visiting the red-light districts, here’s a small offering–a set of photos I snapped as I mongered through Patpong during 2016. ‘Twas a good year, I must say. Back then, my mobile phone camera was, in a word, terrible. So I apologize in advance for their poor quality.

Of my favorite Electric Blue dancers, Ploy topped the list. She was frighteningly underweight, despite constantly eating like a little piggy. Between rotations, she usually sat with me, playing games on her phone. On this night, she took the opportunity to also wolf down a bowl of noodles. I couldn’t resist taking a few pics. She wasn’t super enthused by the attention, but she had a heart of gold and didn’t hold it against me.

Speaking of Ploy, she was often the object of my attention, and the focus of my camera lens. In the above left photo, I’d brought her a small bonsai plant as a birthday present. The middle pic is of her and Momay between rotations, and the above right shot was just some candid fun while she braided the hair of one of her friends. The defining characteristic of Patpong girls is their attitude. Of the three RLDs in Bangkok, the Pong has always had the most friendly and fun-loving dancers. These girls became friends, and though they’ve all left the pole, we remained close to this day.

In 2016, I wasn’t as well-known around Patpong as I am today, so getting photos inside the gogo bar was more of a clandestine undertaking. The above left photo shows three of my all time top gogo girls–Oil at the far left, Momay at the far right, and Ploy in the center. Later on, they grouped together for a quick, blurry picture (above center). And above right is one of the only shots I have of Momay smiling. She was perpetually embarrassed of her teeth.

Back in the day, gogo bars like the Strip, Thigh Bar, and Kiss Bar offered a selection of premium Belgian beers. For someone like me, who hit the Pong every single night, the option to drink something other than San Miguel Light or Tiger was a welcome one. In fact, in each of those locations my buddies and I routinely drained their supply of Belgian bottles in the first week of every month. In the picture at the right is a glass of Kwak. The glass and the wooden stand are modeled after an old traadition in Belgium where carriage drivers, who couldn’t go into the pub because they had to stay with the horses, would have a notch carved into the side of the buckboard so that a barmaid could bring them a glass of beer. Then they would stay sat in the carriage, or even shove off down the road, with a full glass of beer and it wouldn’t spill. By coincidence, I’m holding a switch in this pic–not to drive horses but to smack the girls on the bum, who that night were decked-out in sexy schoolgirl uniforms.

The only downside of free access to these great Belgian beers was the ease and speed by which a Pongrat got drunk. It was important for one to pace oneself, lest he end up naked and dancing on the stage. Which is not something I ever did, but my friend Kee Mao Moo ended up doing on more than one occasion. Somewhere there’s a gogo dancer with nude pics of him in her phone as he danced like a naked Pillsbury Doughboy on a Patpong stage.

Speaking of The Strip, I think for three years running I spent New Year’s Eve in that bar. The above photos are from NYE2015 when just three girls–Underbite, Biw, and Bo, who also happened to have the three best assess in all of Patpong at the time–were the only ones to show up for work. By happenstance, the only customers were me, my friend Lucky, and some random tourist, so we had our own little party. Their assess were the hightlight.

That same year was when The Strip brought back their snake show. Most of the time the girl with the snake was Zoda, but in the photo at the right, Nahm was keeping the boa company while they prepped the stage for the show. In the following years, both the snake show and Nahm ventured to new locales and I lost track of them. But she still represents a time when the girls at The Strip were cool, fun, accommodating, and professional cockmasters. In current year, their roster is similar. They’re still cool, still fun, and still accommodating. The difference is, I don’t know how dirty they are because I haven’t tried to get with a girl there since 2017. Maybe they’re slutty, maybe they’re not.

And to be clear, I never got with Nahm, either. I was too busy nailing all of her friends. But she was–and I assume still is–a genuine sweetheart. And clearly, her snake-taming talents were nothing to sneeze at. I hope, wherever she is, that she’s happy and doing well.

The girl with the terrific ass in both of the above photos is Best–on two separate occasions inside Electric Blue. Five years on, her behind is still fit as ever, though these days it’s shakin’ over at Black Pagoda. Believe it or not, her apple-bottom isn’t even her best feature–it’s her smile.

Oil was another Electric Blue big-shot, both for her hardbody and her constant positive attitude. She left the pole over a year ago when her boyfriend knocked her up and then bailed on her. Last I heard, she was operating a noodle cart with her mom somewhere near Khaosan Road.

The above left photo was taken inside Lust–a bar that sprang up in the old Lucifer nightclub location, then later became The Den, and for the last two years has been the fully-remodeled but never-opened Radio City. They finished work on it just as Covid hit. Bad luck, that. Above right is me having yet another glass of Kwak, this time inside Kiss Bar along with a fully-packed stage.

This terrible photo is of Bo and her big-assed friend onstage in The Strip. In 2016 I must’ve spent 90% of my gogo time in this small but fantastic bar. In fact, I often swung into the Pong early and spent the entire night in The Strip with Bo on my lap. She left the pole in 2019–I suspect due to pregnancy but I couldn’t say for sure since she blocked all my social media and went incommunicado. Lord, I hope her kid isn’t mine.

Although the old Strip crew have in their entirety taken off to greener pastures, the mamasan managed to re-staff the place with a new crop of equally fun, equally sexy girls, and right up until the current lockdown this bar–which I would call my home away from home–rocked just as hard as it did in 2016. So even though these pictures give me a wave of nostalgia for the ‘good old days,’ I know that once the pandemic has passed, The Strip will once again be a place to make great memories, meet sweet, lovely gogo girls, and tip a few beers in an atmosphere that can only be described as a party.

Swing by next week for–honestly, I don’t know what. It’ll be another flashback of sorts, though I don’t know from where or when. It might just throw back to a month ago, I don’t know. What I do know is, this lockdown sucks. So I’m going to spend the week looking back through my photo albums, and if I find anything worth sharing, it’ll be here on display next Sunday. In the meantime, keep your fridge stocked, your morale high, and cheers to another week above ground, allbeit stuck at home in the greatest country on Earth. Peace.