A Week Less Ordinary

Well thank Buddha for small favors, am I right reader? I don’t know about you but after a week of restaurants being open, I’m a few kilos fatter and 50% happier. I won’t hit 100 till the gogos reopen but eating in public is the first (of many, hopefully) blessed step forward. What follows is a record of my eating-out experiences over the last several days, along with some ‘behind the scenes’ pics of a photo shoot with some unemployed gogo dancers and Jack Nites from Bangkoknites.com and–just for shits and giggles–I threw in a handful of photos that Nuchy sent me while she’s wiling away the days down in Pattaya.

As a lazy homebody who hates to venture further from my front door than I can reach by walking in 10 minutes, my choice of restaurants is limited. Also, I’m fiercely loyal. If I’ve been to a place and I like that place, I want to give that place my money. Since Le Bouchon shut, my options have been hampered. For now, my replacement for the Bouche is G’s on Silom Soi 4. In the late 80s I spent a summer in Berlin, so eating at G’s is kind of like stepping into a time machine. Having said that, I don’t experiment with the menu. I try, but every time I go in there it’s hard not to order the Jaeger Schnitzel because it’s–for lack of a better term–the fucking tits. The exceptions I’ve made are–as seen in the photos–the fried Camembert and the hand-made pork sausage, both of which are absolute perfection. The cheese pairs very well with a bottle of lambic raspberry beer. Of course, the Thai government in their infinite stupidity have banned restaurants from selling alcoholic beverages because of course, in the midst of this pandemic, they’re total morons. But once the booze ban is lifted, definitely pair the cheese and lingonberry jam with a fruity Belgian beer.

Not to go off on a tangent here, but I have a bone to pick. Speaking of the booze ban, it’s widely known that the bars on Sukhumvit are openly serving and staying open past curfew with no hassle from the police. It seems that the only central Bangkok borough that’s still banned from serving alcohol is Silom. What is this retardation? Is it the cops? I’d  believe that’s the case, since the Patpong cops are infamous cunts. But it’s really frustrating that I can go virtually anywhere else in BKK and drink, but Patpong is still shut–with one exception being the gay bar on Soi 2 that’s “coincidentally” owned by a Patpong cop. I feel like puking at that hypocrisy. But I digress. The food at G’s is scrumptious.

My current other regular spot is Red Lion on Suk Soi 13. They’ve got five menus in that joint: a traditional English menu, a Thai menu, a hot dog menu called Wally’s, a fish-n-chips menu called Smith’s, and a smash burger menu called Bgr. And I have my way with all of ’em. Below left is the Carolina Pooch–ketchup, coleslaw, bacon, mustard, and cheese. Next to it is the haddock and hand-cut chips. Below right is the Caesar salad. The distinctive feature of the salad is, instead of croutons they serve up fresh chunks of hot-buttered garlic bread.

Below left is Red Lion’s Totally Square burger–two patties, bbq sauce, cheddar and swiss, bacon, lettuce, and tomato relish. A few doors down from Red Lion is Sportsman, and they have an upstairs pool hall with an outdoor patio where I can smoke a nice Cuban Partagas Serie 5 in peace and solitude. In addition, they also have a decent snack menu. At bottom right is their chicken wings and Caesar salad. Not as good as Red Lion’s but decent enough.


During the week, I sat in on Jack Nites’ photo sessions. There, a handful of out-of-work Patpong gogo dancers posed for a spread that can now be seen over at Bangkoknites.com and consists of the “Hot Dogs and Hot Girls” girls. After the shoot was over, they fired up the karaoke machine and got to singin’ and dancin’.

After posing for pics and hanging around all week on the off chance someone ordered a dog and a girl, these chicks let their hair down by heading to Rayong for the weekend to grill and chill. They send me a video of their antics. The pics below are screen grabs.

Out of all the bars on Nana Soi 4, only one had the courage to reopen last week, and that was Hillary 2. I was curious whether they’d have the courage to serve booze, so I swung by on Thursday afternoon. The place was quiet. There were only four customers and a dozen eager staff. Scattered around the walls were signs asserting “No Alcohol” and the bar was stacked high with tall coffee mugs. I ordered a mug, but I won’t say what was in it because I don’t want to get anyone into trouble. I can only say that yet another Bangkok neighborhood seems to enjoy a certain freedom that Patpong is inexplicably still forbidden to enjoy. Recently a Silom local pointed out to me that the Thai military, aka the government, doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the Thai people. They care about getting paid, and currently their pockets are overflowing. Why would a little thing like a pandemic bother them at all? On a smaller scale, the local police are equally flush with cash, so the thought of making a decision that would help regular people is beyond their scope of comprehension. If you were to ask a Thai cop, “Why won’t you take steps to help the people you’re meant to protect and serve?” Their inevitable and painfully simple answer could only be…”Why?”

For you whoremongers out there who’d like to have a hot dog delivered to your door by a sexy young piece of ass, here’s the contact info. What you do with it–and with the girl who brings you your snack–is between you, the girl, and Buddha. I’m staying out of it. Although I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t tempting to hit up that website and order a snack and a strumpet. And as of today–spoiler alert–more girls are jumping on the roster, primarily from The XXX Lounge. Oh, and speaking of, it looks like XXX Lounge will finally open as a restaurant (I’ve heard either today or tomorrow), with gogo dancers as waitresses and a German menu similar to G’s on offer.

If this turns out to be real, expect a full report and photo spread from yours truly next Sunday. I doubt the girls will be in short-shorts and stiletto heels but whatever incarnation this joint takes, it’ll be better than life without it. God knows the gogos should already be permitted to reopen and booze should be flowing freely, but in these dystopian times, when our lives are run by stupid dickheads, a gogo bar converted to a restaurant is actually a tick in our “win” column.

While I’ve been sitting in on photo shoots and shoveling restaurant food in my face, some of my gogo friends have continued to send me pictures of their downtime lives. Nuchy is hiding out in Pattaya, and every few days she updates me with evidence. And as usual, I’m sharing them with you.

That’s all for this week, friends. Swing by bangkoknites.com later today for the finished product of Jacks’ photo shoot, and between now and next Sunday, raise a glass to your survival, to these lovely girls, and to a country that still beats out every other one for happy living, even with an inept government, even in the midst of a pandemic. Cheers.