Look, I’m gonna be honest witchoo. I’ve never said or typed “witchoo” before in my life, nor will I do so again in the future. Also, I hate going to Nana, Cowboy, and Soi 7. I’ve sort of been doing it out of obligation to my 12 readers, to give ‘em the lowdown and the downlow on the happenings in those locations. But in truth, I don’t find them fun. They’re OK on a rare occasion, maybe for a change of scenery. But for better or worse, my place is Patpong. So here’s the better and worse of Patpong for the previous week. It turned out a lot of interesting stuff happened. A few familiar faces reappeared, a gogo dancer changed her hair color, and a lot of food, fanny-grabbing, and fun was had. Let’s break it down…
DJ Junior came back to Patpong to spin records (or you know, whatever the 2022 version of that is—is it pushing buttons?) in XXX Lounge. Speaking of DJs, Kofty was back in Black (I hit the sack) Pagoda. Sure, he’s old, but his hybrid embrace of disco-funk and modern tracks is surprisingly refreshing. The tiniest gogo dancer in Bangkok—Beem—former Strip girl—all 35 kilos of her—is now not-dancing at XXX Lounge. Speaking of, the gang over at XXX is quite solid now. They’ve got 2 sets of the biggest tits in BKK, along with a team of Electric Blue veterans and a handful of youngsters who mix together to make a very chilled-out but also very erotic vibe. The newbies are still a bit tentative around customers but they’re slowly learning that we don’t bite. Well, I bite. They’re well aware of that.
Anna—former mamasan at The Strip—has been sent back to Phuket to straighten out their sister bar on Bangla Road and she took a few of the hottest girls with her. It’s put a sizable dent in the goodtime vibe of the joint, and saddled the likes of Mameaw and Bee with preserving the party atmosphere on their own. Only time will tell how it pans out, but the girls are bawdy and uninhibited, which is the right recipe for a fun time.
I continue to buy somtam for any girl who wants it, as well as ice cream, Issan sausage, and occasionally, insects. Personally I can’t do bugs. I tried one in Phuket and that was more than sufficient for a lifetime. Bill Gates can crow about climate change all he wants, I’m not substituting crickets for my steak. And eating them with a spoon (see the photo above right) doesn’t make them any less gross, by the way.
In Black Pagoda, Saa started out the week as a blonde and finished it as a brunette. I think I like her better with dark hair. Best dyed hers pink, and Eye went with….I guess gray. Mint’s new modus operandi is bugging me to take her photo every time I’m in there. Some of the most recent are presented here for your perusal. Apologies for throwing one in from a previous blog but she’s been relentless about photos for several weeks now.
I wandered into Bada Bing, Pink Panther, and King’s a couple times for a change of scenery. They seem to be plugging along, doing what everyone else is doing which is waiting out the currently useless Covid restrictions so they can get back to real business. On Friday I happened to pass the Panther on my way to Roadhouse (order a full rack of ribs and get a free plate of buffalo wings) and noticed their outside bar was already open and serving in the afternoon. It’s a smart strategy. Lots of tourists have been showing up to Patpong around midday looking for the kind of debauchery that really only starts after 7 pm, so why not offer something to tide them over? Shenanigan’s already does it. So does Paddy Field, as well as a few of the downstairs bars along the Soi 2 row between Surawong and Foodland. Go get ’em, PP. There are plenty of customers to go around, and one more daytime watering hole option can only improve things.
G’s German restaurant on Soi 4 (I know it’s technically not Patpong but it’s close enough) has rolled out a lengthy addition to their beer menu, namely with a handful of specialty brews from Kuchlbauer and Schneideer Weisse. From the latter brand, I tore through half of G’s list, focusing on the ones with the highest percentage: Tap 5 (8.2), Tap 6, (8.2), and Aventinus Eisbock (12%–yes, you read that right). If you enjoy excellent Bavarian beer, I can’t recommend enough that you visit Guido and sample his wares. He also has a few Thai IPA’s. The one I tried (Suntree) was exceptional.
On Tuesday night, a cat tried to enter The Strip. I tried blocking the door but it evaded me and then disappeared into the darkness. We searched for an hour but never found it. The girls started saying it was a ghost—a cat-ghost. I’ve often felt haunted by pussy in that bar.
On Friday—also in The Strip—a lesbian farang barfined one of the girls. It’s not the first time I’ve seen that. It’s the second. ‘Twas off-putting, if I’m honest. I mean, of course I support what any consenting adults consent to and everyone has the right to be happy. It just felt like…like…like someone came up and took a bite of my cheeseburger.
The rest of the week has a lot of routine stuff going on. For example, I had G’s delivered to XXX Lounge so I didn’t have to leave the company of my gals. I grabbed many a crotch and set of boobs. Over-eager tourists arrived onpong too early in the day. Oh, here’s something new: many of the girls that were too good for me pre-pandemic have suddenly warmed to Seven. Take Benz, for example. Up until 2019, she was a heavy-hitter in Glamour, superhot, and wouldn’t deign to give me the time of day. She was strictly reserved for Japanese customers, who as everyone knows pay triple and have tiny, inoffensive genitals. Today, however, she’s slightly chubbier and haunting the terrace at XXX Lounge where she regularly shows me the kind of attention I could only dream of before the lockdown. Funny thing is, I’m not into her anymore. Ah, well. C’est la vie.
And in case you didn’t already know by the ungodly wave of heat bashing you in the face every time you leave the house, it’s low season. As Benvolio warned, “For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.” And while this withered old Romeo isn’t looking for a Juliet, he’s not opposed to adding a couple of broke gogo dancers to his harem of Rosalines. If Benz it up for it, so am I. Plus, she needs to feel some girth in her rocket pocket. And at the very least, there’s new fannies and tits to grab daily on the Pong, and this pongmonger couldn’t be more delighted. Speaking of, that’s all the monger that’s fit to ponder this week. Between now and next Sunday, keep your balls cool, your beer cold, and here’s to all the TPYT’s (Thai pretty young things) that make our lives more fun and less ordinary. Cheers.