Fun Ban Continued…Week 27

That’s right, reader. It’s been 27 weeks since the gogo bars were shut down. Twenty-motherfucking-seven weeks. When the fascists graciously allowed restaurants to reopen (with the kick-in-the-balls stipulation that booze can’t be served), I was so grateful I nearly wept. Now, though, I’m back to being livid over the ridiculous length of this fun ban. It’s doing permanent damage to the red-light district. Glamour has closed for good—or until someone buys it. Bee—one of The Strip’s hottest dancers—has decided to leave the life entirely and go to culinary school. A gaggle of gogo girls have fucked off to Phuket for the foreseeable future. Half of my harem have moved back to Isaan. The situation is dire.

And yet, I continue to hold out hope, and so in that vein, I present this hopelessly optimistic post. If it feels a bit like déjà vu, like a glitch in the Matrix, like just another week of food pics and out-of-work gogo dancer selfies, you’re not crazy. That’s exactly what it is. Because there’s nothing else to report on. Let’s get it over with.

First, a compliment for the Thai govt: In an effort to get tourism back, the powers that be have decided that if 3 factors can be achieved in the near future, Thailand can “reopen.” Those factors are: 70% of Bangkokians vaxxed, a steady decline of Covid cases, and a reduction of hospitalized folks. And if the daily reports are to be believed, we’re on track. Here are the case-and-death numbers for the last 9 days:

9/17      14,555  171

9/18      14,109  122

9/19      13,576  117

9/20      12,709  106

9/21      10,919  143

9/22      11,252  141

9/23      13,256  131

9/24      12,697  132

9/25      11,975  127

Needless to say, this trend looks good. Hopefully it’ll continue, and if it does, the govt will have to relent. Now the question will be: Will “reopening” extend to the red-light’s? Maybe not at first, but it’ll be hard to attract large numbers of tourists if they can’t hit Soi Cowboy or have a beer in a pub. I choose to see this as a good sign.

Continuing our focus on good news, Sukhumvit restaurants continue to remain open. I grabbed breakfast at the Red Lion, which I always love–not as much as the one at Shenanigan’s, but that place can’t open due to the booze ban. So Red Lion is the next best thing. And I always choose the same 7 items: fried eggs, sausage, streaky bacon, hash browns, white pudding, mushrooms, and black iced-coffee. And I’ve found, as an aging breakfast connoisseur, that a nice pint of Guinness is a really satisfying complement to the meal. But as we all know, that’s not possible now, because if you drink a pint of Guinness with your breakfast, you will spread Covid and people will die. It’s science.

In all honesty, the lack of access to beer did force me to eat at home for most of the week. Because as we know, if you buy beer from 7-11 and have it with your Foodpanda order, you won’t spread Covid. Here’s some of the best meals from the last few days:

As a Los Angeles native, one of the only things I miss from home is Mexican food, which is why I have it delivered four or five times a week. Above from left to right are: carnitas and al pastor tacos from Monita, hard-shell tacos and a steak quesadilla from Cali-Mex, an al pastor quesadilla from Monita, and nachos plus spinach quesadilla from Cali-Mex. All awesome. And at right, a breakfast burrito from Monita. You can order these babies all day, and they’re terrific, except for the beans. Nobody in LA puts beans in a breakfast burrito. And there’s no place to stipulate “no beans” on Foodpanda, so it’s a quandary. The Cali-Mex breakfast burrito has chorizo in it, and I’m not a fan of chorizo. Monita’ll put steak in theirs, so…I put up with the beans. Also in this burrito: scrambled eggs, french fries, onions, and salsa. I give it 4 out of 5 stars.

Pictured above are two burgers from 25 Degrees in Silom. They let you build your own, so mine are always some combo of avocado, bacon, truffle spread, blue cheese or cheddar, and Thousand Island. It took me a few tries to figure out that I hate their buns. The bread is too dense, with the flavor of wet cardboard. Everything else is great, though. It’s just the bun that sucks.

Above left is a sausage and pepperoni pizza from Scoozi, and at right is the California roll and unagi roll from Seiryu in Sala Daeng. This is what I’ve been reduced to–taking photos of my lunch instead of half-naked gogo dancers shaking their asses on a Patpong stage. Although speaking of, said girls continue to send me photos of their antics at home. Here’s the latest from Praew, Nuchy, Pui, Lalita, and one of Nuchy’s friends whose name I don’t know…

And that’s about all for this week, folks. Nothing else interesting going on. If you’re still in the mood for photos of gogo dancers, head over to where my “Hot Dogs and Hot Girls” blog from 3 weeks ago finally got the green light. Let’s all cross our fingers for more good news on the “getting back to normal” front, and between now and next Sunday, keep your hopes up, your fridge stocked, and cheers to all of us who’ve endured 27 straight weeks of no debauchery without killing ourselves. Peace.