Thailand’s Only Flaw (plus Patpong Update)

The Land of Smiles is a near-perfect place to live, especially if you’re a foreigner who loves warm climes, tropical beaches, and women with long dark hair and skin the color of cane sugar. But it’s not perfect. The country has one solitary flaw: moronic leadership.

It’s not an exclusively Thai problem. God knows my home country has been run by brain-dead fuck-ups since JFK caught a couple bullets. But it’s 2022 and I live in Bangkok, so having stupids in charge is an immediate problem.

When Covid broke out, the Thai govt reacted like a scared animal in the wild—they told the nation to play dead. People were forced to hunker indoors, wear masks, not leave their neighborhood, and no one was allowed in or out of the country for almost two years. And like a broken clock, the govt managed to do something right. Thailand didn’t get hit as hard as other countries, and by the time it did, mRNA manipulators were in wide circulation. Unfortunately, no one in a position of leadership was smart enough to know why the ‘play dead’ strategy worked, and so they’ve used it as the default setting and are still using it, even though Covid is endemic. And now, this maneuver is ruining the country.

A recent Bangkok Post article reported that Thailand’s tourism recovery lags behind countries like the Philippines and Singapore. This is a direct effect of ineptitude in the leadership. First, the govt refuses to loosen restrictions. The changes from June 1st onward are perfunctory and meaningless. They provide no incentive to tourists whatsoever. Why would someone choose Thailand as their destination when they still have to jump through preliminary hoops like Thai Pass and wear a mask? And second–for fuck’s sake, why would anyone want to come to a country where the nightlife is still being choked to death with curfews and closures?

It’s true that shoving its head in the sand like an ostrich accidentally worked for the Thai govt during the pandemic. But the pandemic is over. It’s time to lead again. But the problem doesn’t end with the dunces at the top. The scourge of mental retardation extends all the way through Thailand’s tentacles of authority. On June 1 in Patpong, the cops shut down Bada Bing and Radio City because they didn’t have all the right paperwork stapled to the wall inside the bar. It took about an hour for the owners to find it, after which they were permitted to open again. And yes, it was pretty dumb to not have their paperwork in order beforehand, but equally stupid was the cops’ ridiculous flexing of their tiny muscles, as if they were saying “We know restrictions are being lifted, but you better keep the tea money flowing.” Cops in Nana did the same thing on the same day. None of the bars were closed, but the police did the only thing they know how to do—intimidate. Unless and until those in positions of power in Thailand learn to put the welfare of the people first, the nation will continue to languish in economic agony.

Here’s a personal example: Thai authorities seem to think that leadership means making random brainless arbitrary rules. On Saturday I wanted to enjoy a cigar on the Shenanigan’s terrace away from others so as to not bother them with my smoke. But the police won’t allow alcohol consumption at high top tables until after 5:00. And yet, you can drink at a regular table, hence the photo of my beer on the low-top (circled in red) in the distance while I smoked. The only rationale I can think of is, as passers by can see the beer atop the high table, it may inspire them to drink also, and before you could say redshirt uprising, the whole city would be drunk. And before you say come on, no one could be that stupid, this is the same govt that outlawed booze on election day, even for farang who can’t vote, and banned selling alcohol between 2 and 5 to save school children from drunk drivers, a law that remains in place on weekends. The level of bald-faced retardation within the power structure in Thailand defies all sense as well as the laws of physics. Then again, they’re a thousand times better than that ridiculous cunt Joe Biden, so I don’t really have a right to complain. In fact, I chose to live in Thailand primarily to get away from the idiocy of the US govt. And I guess that’s why I’ve got a burr up my ass about the incompetence displayed here.

But I know the 10 of you that read my blog don’t do it to hear me rant. Apologies for moaning. Now let’s talk red-light.

Speaking of Radio City, I’ve popped in every night since they opened and each time, I’ve seen around half a dozen fresh faces. I’m sure some are just trying RC on for size and won’t stay, but it’s exciting to see so many new girls in Patpong. Although on the flipside, King’s Castle and King’s Corner are doing gangbuster business with new faces, sure, but in a shocking display of loyalty, nearly 100% of their roster of veterans have returned as well. Unfortunately, it appears many of them spent the last two years eating ice cream in bed. Today in Patpong there are four types of gogo dancer: new hotties, new chubsters, veteran hotties, and veterans that used to be hot and are now chubsters. Great news for those who like thicker girls—tragic for dudes like me who prefer fit women.

The Strip threw its 2nd “Candyland” themed party at the weekend which attracted a large crowd despite the temporary interruption (temporruption for short, copyright BKK7) of a torrential downpour at the start of the evening. And why wouldn’t it, what with girls in bikinis sucking lollipops and 60 baht beers all night? And speaking as a weary red-light hound deprived of pole dancing for two years, it’s a great relief to see things getting back to normal. It’s happening at a snail’s pace thanks to the ineptitude of the govt but it can’t be slowed forever. The heart of the tourist wants what it wants, and what it wants is gogo bars with stages crammed full of scantily-clad girls. And that’s exactly what Radio City, Bada Bing, The Strip, XXX Lounge, Blac Pagoda, Pink Panther, and the two King’s bars are providing. If only the retards in charge would let the tourists come back, Thailand might have a chance at recovery.

For those still stuck in whatever backwater burg in whatever faraway oppressive 1984-style police state and unable or unwilling as yet to make the trip and/or if you want to view the companion photos to this post, I’ve put together a slideshow of pics from last week’s ribaldry in Patpong. Spoiler alert: it’s sexy.

You can find it here:

And that’s all the Pongmonger that’s fit to ponder for now, gents. Swing by next Sunday for another update. In the meantime, you can catch a daily glimpse of the red-light goings on over at my Twitter @BangkokSeven and or for more scandalous content you can join up with but for now, raise a glass to another week above ground in the greatest country on Earth: Thailand. Cheers, everyone.